multiply sclerosed

{May 15, 2012}   Transcibed Texts from may 14th to Dania

Dania: How are you today mama

Me: U just don’t want to know…lol

Dania: Oh no I am sorry luv

Me: kk who is my crew tomorrow?

Me:I am having a panick attack proportions that are unimaginable…lol. Saw my reg doc today and am going into grief counseling. Yesterday I sad out loud to myself as my alarm was going off for meds again…that I would rather be dead than keep doing this.So after telling hubby made my doc appointment I have just been panicky

                                                    (this is the part of the conversation that I can only imagine Dania decides to wait until there is more to follow and grabs Michele to get her on the same page)

Me: So I told him (my doc) and instead of getting all upset he says “good U should feel that way and you need to say it. I am not worried about u hurting urself. But u need to grieve and u need someone what they are talking about to help u”

Me: The truth is I have only had this for 3 months its very new and we don’t know what my disease will entail

Me: I have not yet gotten close to dealing with it because really nobody knows for sure what it’s going to be

Me: But I know I can’t cure it. I can’t cut, burn it, or expose it to chemicals that will kill it. It won’t go away. It will progress, it will get worse, how much worse who knows? I know it won’t kill me, but it will never go away. and strangely that is the most upsetting part. I can’t stop it from making me sick and unable to live my life…but it won’t end my life either. It never goes away

Me: So grief counseling is in order for sure

After that my phone blew up,lol. The truth is I am ok. But just OK. My meds do help. Gabapenbtin 300mg three times a day, 320mg of aspirin, 1 injection of copaxone , my blood pressure medicine, my celexa( God help u all if they take away my celexa) Vitamin D . Ataivan for when I freak out and my nerves ( I don’t mean “oh my delicate mental state nerves I mean the lil electric buggers that produce the hot poker feeling in the hands and feet) act up Ambien for when I can’t sleep because oh yeah MS can cause insomnia. listening to my alarm go off at different times a day with a note telling me what to take, gets old to say the least. Typically I want to chuck the damn thing through a window. But as I have just found a nice wallpaper for my phone adorned with Scotty Caan and since it plays the hawaii 5-0 theme I will let it live…..for now


apparently spell check is failing me and I am missing words in my sentences…fine I will fix it :p

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