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{May 29, 2012}   Just some thoughts

I have been faced with “Oh my gosh, where have you been?” A question that I knew I was going to get and have to field left right and center, and yet I am still unsure of the correct way to answer it. Hell, even “how are you?’ can send me into a spin. So my question is, who do I tell and what do I say?  My answer is simply put, “in February, I as diagnosed with MS. I am doing ok. Thanks!” Simple and to the point. Is it enough? Is it too  impersonal?  Is it too much, and its “no one’s damn business?”  Sometimes I find myself rambling on, over answering and then when I do come up for air, I realize my audience really didn’t need all that answer and has lost interest. Another thing I do while explaining what MS is, to those who don’t know much about it, is try to make it sound gruesome, when it already is horrible and no doubt can, has and will be gruesome. But when I say things like “numb, zippy zaps, painful, burning, buzzing, ringing, insomnia, too hot, so tired,  15 pills and an injection everyday, debilitating, no cure and unsure future” in my mind I feel like it doesn’t sound so bad. Ok I know how ridiculous that sounds, but this is my blog, fair readers, so nyah! I guess for me I want people to understand this has SUCKED! and it still sucks, just not as hard at the moment. I get through my days well enough, I can take care of my family pretty well too, hubby has a bad shoulder and is trying to be a hero, but he is hurting and needs to handle it, soon, while I am still doing ok. My eight year old needs tests for her kidneys, she’s a trooper, but it’s draining on a little girl. My six year old is happy healthy and a pain in the patoot, just as I would want it. But with all this I have to still deal with the potential of me not being well, or at least well enough to take care of myself let alone my loved ones. My family needs me… what the hell good am I to them with this disease that we know little about and for which we can do less?   Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself. I am not sure that I am, put it’s possible.

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