multiply sclerosed

{June 19, 2012}   There is no love like the love of a sister

Today I am sad. Lonely for my sister. You see, she lives on the other side of the country and we can’t be together as often as either of us would like. Six years ago, my hubby and I moved our two small daughters from east to west, in hopes of making a clean break and a new start.

The most profound casuality of this move was the separation of my sister and I. You see, we have always been each other’s rock, my first and bestest bestie, my first and greatest nemesis, mortal enemy, my angel, my sounding board, my conscience, my ass-kicker. The one person whose opinion, advice and love have always been the very most important to me.  She is my little sister, but she got the balls, the brains, the common sense. She was able to take her big sister and help her through  trying and destructive events. She never left me alone, no matter how many times I was gone, how many times I took off, how many bad choices I made, how much I drank, smoked or money I spent. She always helped me and taught me to do better. I think I have.

I miss her everyday.  I tell my girls everyday, how lucky thy are to have each other, I want them to love each other as much as my sister and I do.  I think they will. But, there are 4 lil girlies who are missing out on each other (my 2 her 1 and our BABY sister) and a crazy cute lil nephew who wont know the torment of being surrounded by girls.  I want to be with them, I want to know my littlest sister, I want to have the chance to be an Auntie. I want my kids to have cousins, close ones, like we had growing up. A big extended family, that’s what I have always wanted.

But if I can’t have these things, then please just send me my sister. Have her appear when I need her. I have chronic disease, everyday is a challenge, my husband is so good to me, I never want for care or love,my daughters are doting and supportive and so sweet. I have everything I need. Except, I have one huge gaping hole in my heart that can only be filled by the love of my sister.


Me says:

I thought about how to respond. Do I go the typical snarky route? To I try to be light hearted? I decided to respond from my heart. A heart that is aching just like yours. A heart that has the same gaping hole as yours. I’ m responding with a sisters heart. I am tortured everyday as you. It has been six years, but no matter how long it has been, it will never be right. There are so many things I want to say, but they are just selfish of me to say. They are things that will make things right in my world, but then it may be wrong for your world. What I will say is this. I love you more than words can say and I will always be there for you.

I was wondering if I should even have written this one. I had a good cry, but the ache is still here. I love you so much.

Michael says:

We are going to all be together again 🙂

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