multiply sclerosed

{July 21, 2012}   My Husband

Seriously, and I know most wives are of this opinion, but my hubby is the best. He takes such good care of me. He stays on top of my medications for me, makes my doc appointments if I need him to, makes sure I stay cool and hydrated, go to sleep at a decent time and wakes me if I am having a nightmare.

But its more than that. That’s just support of my physical well being. Its the support of my mental well being where he really tips the scales. More than anything, I really, really like him. Ofcourse I
love him that’s not what I am saying. I have said this many times to many people, when all the lovey dovey crap is over you need to be with someone you can talk to. Someone you have fun with, someone you can laugh with. We have a blast together! We geek out together, embracing our nerddom. He indulges me and my latest crushes (ahem, Jared Padalecki) while I indulge him and his latest ps3 (call of duty…) obsession. I pretend to be bored with the latest b-movie he wants me to see while he pretends to be completely disinterested in my costume dramas. All the while we are each enjoying the others choices. Come football season we operate on the same plane…there is nothing more important. And if by some odd scheduling mishap our teams play eachother… the gloves come off, smack talk begins and we throw one hell of a party!

Don’t get me wrong its not all fun and games. When it hits the fan he can shift into hero without skipping a beat. He’s my sounding board, knowing when to zip it and let me bitch, let me cry, let me ramble. He also is pretty good at telling me to suck it up. If he didn’t, well, I would be a big heap of useless. But I need that motivation. Even if I am just pissed at him for being such a pain in my ass. The truth is I am thankful he pushes me. I need it 

He is the biggest sucker for our baby girls. Not to mention our pup…but I digress. They don’t know it (or do they) but those two play him like a fiddle and as hard as his resolve might be, he cracks nearly every time. But I know, to my hubby there is nothing more important than those little girls.   

I love him so much, I like him a whole hell of a lot too. I count myself lucky to have him. I know that a chronic illness and the unpredicabilty as well as the debilitating nature of Multiple Sclerosis can wreak havoc on a marriage. Some would not be able to withstand it. That is not a worry I have ever had. My hubby has not only accepted my disease but has embraced it. He was the one who encouraged me to start bloggging. He is the Ucrew team captain for the MS walks, he designed and ordered the t-shirts for the team. He gives me my injections when I need help, all the while making crude jokes. That’s what he is best at. Lightening up a crappy situation making the best of the cards we have been dealt.

And that, bloggy buddies, is what it is all about.


{July 20, 2012}   A change will do us good

Changed our lay-out. What do you think?

{July 19, 2012}   Sitting in my doc’s office

Day 2 headache-a-palooza. And trust me I have tried everything. Stretches and ice packs and medication. Can’t break it up for more than an hour at most. I have ringing in my ears that is deafening and have had loud swooshes and bangs as well. This is something that is breaking my spirit
So here I sit, waiting to be worked in.  The office is too warm and the tv is too loud.  I wish I could lie down. And patients. Sitting in close proximity and yet not togther. Every person here for one malady or another.  All comrades in illness and yet not an eye shall be met. Not a kind word exchanged. Could we benefit from a random chat with a stranger? I think we could but society dictates “get in your chair and don’t make eye contact” I am not ashamed that I am hurting nor should any person here.

But quietly we sit head in our books, eyes on our phones. A touch a word a glance to ease the mental suffering we face.  Can we not spare a spec of humanity? Not today it seems. Perhaps tomorrow

{July 15, 2012}   Ok so a quick sports post

I am not a huge basketball fan, but this past season I have really enjoyed the Knicks and Jeremy Lin. So seriously Knicks… get rid of young guys and sign a bunch of senior citizens?? That was the shortest run of basketball enjoyment ever!! $$ sign Jeremy Lin please! For my sanity and that of my poor native New Yorker husband

{July 13, 2012}   How fragile we are

No matter how thick our skin, how tough and stoich our dispositions might be. We are but delicate as glass. We are as sturdy as a wildflower in a gust of wind.
Our bodies warn us when they are not well, we all need to learn to listen. Do not ignore it. If you think something is wrong, there probably is.
The strongest are the most severely affected, so good at denial until they are knocked so far down to size, we very nearly lose them . Its the cautionary tale we have all been told and seldom heed. Think of your family, think of all things you still want to do, think of yourself. We deserve the best of everything. This everything includes a healthy vessel with which to enjoy our blessings.
Love it, treat it well, do not take it for granted.

{July 13, 2012}   Grrrr

Ok I was starting a great post. All reflective and deep…then someone had to go and piss me off and destroy my creative flow! Thanks a lot 😉

{July 8, 2012}   Getting My Head On Straight

God wants to bless you, but you have to let yourself be blessed. Let me say that again. God wants to bless you but you have to let yourself be blessed.  I work with a great man who we will be calling Preacher, who just set my entire outlook on life back on path, by sharing a lesson he teaches in his church group.  Preacher parabled me, and I will be forever grateful that he did. He reminded me that people love me. They want to help me, I need to let them help me. So in his own special way Preacher told me to get over myself.  Stop trying to be a hero, I don’t need be a hero.

What this shakes down, to fair readers, is pride. Pride and how it can keep you from receiving the very best things possible. Guys , I am not talking about 7 deadly sins,  Pitt/ Spacey, noggins in a box type pride. So slow that particular roll. Its more like the pride that kicks your own butt, gets in your way and hinders you from success. I am too prideful to say “I can’t do it” whatever it is. I still feel like I should be able to lift the world, sling it over my shoulder and run. I am embarrassed to ask my doctor to help me get a disabled parking placard, because at the moment I don’t need it. Thats not to say I haven’t needed it, goodness knows I will need it at some point, but my twisted sense of pride isn’t letting me ask for and receive the help I  need. Instead of just admitting that I need help, asking for help and letting those who can and want to help me;  I spin my wheels, chase my tail, run myself to the ground until I am frustrated, tired and throwing temper tantrums. Shaking my fist at the sky and cursing my very existence. Not good.

The truth is I am being selfish. Its not all about me. Yes the multiple sclerosis and all the crap goes with is mine. But to only to an extent. I want the very best for everybody. I want each and every person I know, hell even those I don’t know to have every blessing that is meant for them. I know now, after talking to a fantastic lady (who for some reason wants to be known as Aguinaldo, don’t question just go with it) who reminded me every time I reject someone’s help, even just by being stubborn, I am taking away an opportunity for that person to be blessed. Shame on me! Who am I to stand in the way of that person’s blessing?

These two conversations have made me see things a bit more clearly. I need to stop thinking of myself, my MS, my disabilities as burdens, but more as opportunities. When I am at my tip top best, I will do anything for anybody. When I am not as well I will stop getting in the way. Getting in my way by trying to be super girl and getting in the way of people that I love and who love me and want to try to take some of my burden away. I have to let them, so while they are blessing me they are being blessed.

I am writing this enlightened. I feel a new energy a new state of mind. Preacher and Aguinaldo have changed me, have turned my head. I am no longer angry. These two earthly angels have given me a sense of peace and of purpose. I have been put on the fast track to acceptance. They have narrowed the gap of where I am to where I am going. I have realized…… it is not so far away.

{July 2, 2012}   Bloggy Buddies…

I have been working like a maniac lately and have just not had the energy to write. So much has happened in the time since my last post and I have every intention of sharing. I just want to have the proper amount of time to dedicate to the post. As you know anything worth doing is worth right!

et cetera
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