multiply sclerosed

{July 8, 2012}   Getting My Head On Straight

God wants to bless you, but you have to let yourself be blessed. Let me say that again. God wants to bless you but you have to let yourself be blessed.  I work with a great man who we will be calling Preacher, who just set my entire outlook on life back on path, by sharing a lesson he teaches in his church group.  Preacher parabled me, and I will be forever grateful that he did. He reminded me that people love me. They want to help me, I need to let them help me. So in his own special way Preacher told me to get over myself.  Stop trying to be a hero, I don’t need be a hero.

What this shakes down, to fair readers, is pride. Pride and how it can keep you from receiving the very best things possible. Guys , I am not talking about 7 deadly sins,  Pitt/ Spacey, noggins in a box type pride. So slow that particular roll. Its more like the pride that kicks your own butt, gets in your way and hinders you from success. I am too prideful to say “I can’t do it” whatever it is. I still feel like I should be able to lift the world, sling it over my shoulder and run. I am embarrassed to ask my doctor to help me get a disabled parking placard, because at the moment I don’t need it. Thats not to say I haven’t needed it, goodness knows I will need it at some point, but my twisted sense of pride isn’t letting me ask for and receive the help I  need. Instead of just admitting that I need help, asking for help and letting those who can and want to help me;  I spin my wheels, chase my tail, run myself to the ground until I am frustrated, tired and throwing temper tantrums. Shaking my fist at the sky and cursing my very existence. Not good.

The truth is I am being selfish. Its not all about me. Yes the multiple sclerosis and all the crap goes with is mine. But to only to an extent. I want the very best for everybody. I want each and every person I know, hell even those I don’t know to have every blessing that is meant for them. I know now, after talking to a fantastic lady (who for some reason wants to be known as Aguinaldo, don’t question just go with it) who reminded me every time I reject someone’s help, even just by being stubborn, I am taking away an opportunity for that person to be blessed. Shame on me! Who am I to stand in the way of that person’s blessing?

These two conversations have made me see things a bit more clearly. I need to stop thinking of myself, my MS, my disabilities as burdens, but more as opportunities. When I am at my tip top best, I will do anything for anybody. When I am not as well I will stop getting in the way. Getting in my way by trying to be super girl and getting in the way of people that I love and who love me and want to try to take some of my burden away. I have to let them, so while they are blessing me they are being blessed.

I am writing this enlightened. I feel a new energy a new state of mind. Preacher and Aguinaldo have changed me, have turned my head. I am no longer angry. These two earthly angels have given me a sense of peace and of purpose. I have been put on the fast track to acceptance. They have narrowed the gap of where I am to where I am going. I have realized…… it is not so far away.


Mikey says:

Yes, let the blessings come to both of us and flow to both of us. Remember what I told you last night, if you want it, it will come. I have put out to the universe what I want and hope you did too. Focus on the positive and know I’m here if you need to talk, vent, refocus, whatever. 🙂

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