multiply sclerosed











{August 9, 2012}   Its like a heatwave

Burning through my myelin…ok the rythm might be off but the sentiment remains. Oh triple digit temperatures for the umpteenth day in a row…how ye vex me.

I am so fricking uncomfortable. My thermoregulators are beyond a shadow of a doubt DEAD and not regulating a damn thing. I have two temperatures right now, hot and el scortcho. Nothing short of skinny dipping in the arctic ocean can cool me.

Work has been the most challenging for me. The department is extremely hot, air circulation is non existent, and we have been busier then ever. I have a fan, which is awesome, if I were able to sit in front of it the entire shift. My bestie bought me a frog togg, it is a scarf like thingy that you soak in water and as it evaporates it cools you down. She is no less than a superstar in my eyes, just for even thinking about it and trying to help me cope. The frog togg has helped to a point, but it seems I get too overheated for it to work effectively. And in truth the feeling of something around my neck makes me all claustrophobic, all kinds of hinky. Its a no win. I am trying, I am trudging, but I am melting quick.

And that is what it feels like. I am going all wicked witch of the westy…the only difference its the fire not the water that is my undoing. Every symptom I have goes up exponentialy with my temperature. I have to plead with my legs to move. My mind is just gelatinous, I just cannot think straight. The zaps in my hands and back and feet and knees and every little joint in my fingers and in my toes are…ugh I don’t even want to talk about it.

The best part, bloggy buddies…there is nothing I can do about it. I take all the proper cooling measures and hope for the best. I truthfully don’t have much left…even more truth be told,I had nothing left days ago. But I have to press on.

I was asked just the other day if I do this…work when I feel poorly to prove something. It wasn’t meant snide or snotty in any way, shape or form, it was an honest question. The answer is a huge yes. Ofcourse, I am trying to prove to myself that I can still do it. Every shift I get through is another hash mark in the win column for me. But now, I am wondering, if I am like the wide reciever who has had their bell rung too many times and still refuses to give it up. Am I pushing too hard, am I doing too much harm to myself by pushing so hard? Will I be able to tell when its time to hang up the film badge and rest my body. Or am I going to wait until I cannot get out of bed and am flat on my ass like I was in February. I don’t want to get that bad again. I know that I rebound just fine after I get rest and my eternal internal flame gets extinguished. But am I doing permanent damage by subjecting my body to the conditions every single day? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have one more day to work this week and then I am off three of the following four. I know that I can eek out one more shift in the sweltering sauna of an x-ray department I so love. I know that I have a stellar support system and we will get through it together. So keep the gatorade flowing and the fan blowing. I gots this…people…I really do.

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